New Beginnings

Let's not fool anyone. I'm doing this for me (mostly).

Happiness, for me at least, is an inner conflict. I am unhappy with who I am, how I feel, and what I think. I don't like me. Let's just throw that out there now. There are a million things I could say about myself that drive me crazy. As, over the years you've all probably found out. I'm hiding them. From myself and others in an attempt to make the process of becoming who I want to be a lot easier. The trouble is, I'm not that sure who that is yet. I can tell you who I am and who I'm not, in the form of definitive characteristics. Will I at this point in time? No. This post is for me, not about me. People care a lot less than I think.

Recently we lost an important member of our family. He's no longer struggling so we're trying to be happy for what he's gained, not sad for what we've lost. But that's only so easy (i.e not easy at all). For those of you that are struggling with anything having to do with what you've lost, all I can say is there is someone there for you. And if you still feel alone, I'll be there for you. If you still feel alone after that, seek some help. I'm serious. Humans are animals, which means they have feelings. Someone cares, just not as much as you want them too. Come up with your own support system to fall back on. I haven't even done this yet, so it's just an idea. Not a tested theory. Makes sense though doesn't it? Have you ever heard the term don't sweat the small stuff? That's some serious advice. I sweat absolutely everything, and it's driving me insane. I don't think you want the kind of self loathing I unload on myself. So try to take it easy.

I have two moms. One of them is my girlfriends mom. She's having a lot of trouble lately, just having to deal with everything that happened with her father. Now some other shit comes up. She deserves better, I know it, she knows it, everyone does. Can I tell her to just punch people in the face? Of course, would she do it? No. She's too sweet. Would I do it? Probably not. I spit a tough game but I'm a pansy. The only advice I can give people who are dealing with too much (yet again I have no idea what I'm actually talking about) is spread it out. Take those three words and distribute them how you want, whether that means take it one step at a time, or deal with one issue at a time is up to your discretion. 

Now, keep in mind that I'm no psychologist, though at one point it was my career of choice and I've taken some classes, I'm not a professional by any means. I don't have very many life experiences to go off of, and I'm only 20 years old. But if I can help you, I will. I like to.

Congratulations,
Reality

P.S This is post # 145