Trial, Error & Bliss

I need to be sleeping. And I will, soon.

I just wanted to say Happy 1 year Anniversary to my gorgeous Girlfriend. We've had many ups and downs this past year, and opening up to allow this to happen has been hard on both our parts. Thank you for being there for me every time I needed you and when I could never have admitted that I did. Thank you for putting up with my clingy, possessive, bullshit for a full year and still wanting to go strong. Thank you for being who you are, when people (me included) suggested you change. And thank you, thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you, for loving me, and trying so hard to continue this relationship. I know it's been tough for you to open up, and I know I push you too hard sometimes. I appreciate everything you are, and I hope by now you know how much you mean to me. If you don't, tell me how I can make you understand that no matter what the future holds you will always be my first true love.

I thought I knew love before this, but I must've been lying to myself because nothing in my life has been this hard, or worth this much work. I will never regret these times; and even though it scares me to death to admit it, I don't want it to end. I want this to continue with the dreams I've always had. They say relationships take a lot of work, and for some reason, I thought maybe they just sucked at it (hell maybe I'm still right). But this beauty, this happiness you've granted me, is a helluva lot harder to keep than I thought it would be. The only thing no one told me is that the tough part is dealing with yourself and not your partner. 

You're perfect, at least to me you are. No matter what I say on any given day, no matter how my thoughts may come out, know that I truly believe you are perfect, and beautiful and lovely. I'm sad every time I leave (its funny, people say that nonsense in stupid love quotes all the time...for me it's actually true), there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep a smile on your face (even drive to your house at 2am when I have to work the next morning). Please continue loving me like you have for this entire year and we can figure out the rest as it comes. 

I don't know about the future. I do know that right now, my heart beats for you. It will keep on beating when you're away, and it'll beat stronger when you get back. Even if this is the only year I had to call you mine, or if I get 1 more, or 3 more, my heart will be yours as it is now. 

I love you Mushroom. Happy Anniversary

Forever,
Sweetness 



P.S I'm tormented right now as I always am, remember that I think everything I say is true, but I don't know me to know what is or is not. This, right here, is the most honest I believe I've ever been.